youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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