he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
