so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
