ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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