hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
