I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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