dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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