My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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