Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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