you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
