look no pants
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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