So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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