was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
