I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
