; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
