he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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