I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
