Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
