Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
