your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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