checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
