Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im holly from the hills drunk
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
