so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
