so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
