Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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