my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm passing your future prison.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
