When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
