Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
