Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize