haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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