I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
