I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you traded sex for a burrito?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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