my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
