We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
