Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
