Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
