Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
