I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize