Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
