Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
they need to just BURY HIM!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
