Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the night ended with taco bell and tears
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
