I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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