At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
