I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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