I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
