you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
