apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
