I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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