My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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