Me too!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
