well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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