look no pants
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
