fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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