It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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