I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
ttyl tear gas
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize