How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
