Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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