If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
