he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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