dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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