Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
