i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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