i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
