apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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