we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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