His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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