You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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