he looks like a really good dad on facebook
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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