You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
